For those of you who were able to watch the memorial
services for former United States President Ronald Reagan, perhaps
you saw as I did, the dramatic conclusion of a long and arduous
struggle of a dedicated care giver. With all political beliefs aside,
there was no denying the love Ronald and Nancy Reagan shared throughout
their marriage, culminating in the loyal task of comforter, solace,
care giver, “until death do us part.”
Over my years serving as hospice spiritual support to families and
patients, the lessons about human nature have been great, but one
of the greatest has been to watch what commitment between husband
and wife means when facing end-of-life issues. Watching the heart-rending
struggles, the long, slow separation from someone held so dear and
for so long, gave me a new gratitude for what our former first lady
provided for her husband. In the end, he was her husband, lover,
confidant first, and our president second.
Watching the entire ceremony from both coasts, how the country honored
President Reagan in the rotunda all night long, through to the appropriate
and in-appropriate responses of their children, what was unfolding
for our nation was just one of many scenarios of a family facing
the loss of a father after a long illness. From a hospice viewpoint,
it was serving as an open education to our nation and others what
a great loss and change it can be to lose a father, a husband, an
honoured friend. It showed the impact of love and compassion through
care giving of one individual above all the rest. It showed how
the most meaningful reward to that care giver, no matter how important
or respected by others they may have been, was the final resting
and relief for the one they loved and cared for through their final
days.
For many, this chapter served as a reward in itself to thousands
of care giving spouses around the world, displaying the fact that
they are not alone in their pain, grief or loss. It offered a myriad
of responses from those who could provide support, spiritual or
otherwise, once the challenge of death was overcome. It provided
a close-up view of the peace and acceptance that comes after death.
The overwhelming response of the people who loved a man, wanted
to pay last respects to him for all he did for them, their children
and their country was truly awe-inspiring, along with the reverence
of the changing of the honor guard, as if it were all part of the
passing into another life through an end-of-life review where you
see everyone and everything you’ve had some influence upon
during your lifetime. Ronald Reagan’s life review was there
for us all to see.
The historical aspects are undeniable. There will be an impact on
those who cared and watched, and it will last a generation, as the
importance of honouring your commitments, expressing and providing
love to someone when they most need it, paying one's respects to
those who helped pave our way in life, and openly offering gratitude
appropriately will be handed down to children as they see this past
week’s ceremony again on some late night History Channel video.
Whatever the lesson may be that you saved for yourself as you watched
our nation grieve the loss of a true leader, keep it close and relearn
from it every day. The time will come when you will need the example
of care giving Nancy Reagan provided us all, and in that moment
you must dare to use it for the one you love.
